Is a 'fast match' a good match?

By Gil Avenaim Founder Fast Match Australia, commenting on an article by Ian McNeice

We've spent 8 years at our Fast Match events watching singles meet, mingle, chat...all with one objcetive in mind - "To find a match!"

What is a match?

In a recent article by Ian McNeice, he says...

"Match? A true match I hear you cry, is there such a thing? It makes it all sound like a game of Snap. Well yes I think there is such a thing. Who do we match with? I think the first issue is to know who we are and what we are about. Once we know this then we can work out who we can possibly match with. That innocent comment is where a lot of people fall down. I am often surprised how little people take a good look at themselves. You may feel that you perfectly suit Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson but then do you really know that much about them as people, and would they go for someone like you?

Sure we often want to match ourselves with people of certain look and physical properties and that is entirely natural. However if we weigh 150kg and have never seen the inside of a gym then I think its fair to say that we may not be the perfect match to a sportsman or a model. Why? Well simply because nature tells us that we match with likes. On a base level we are here, says nature, to procreate and so we select accordingly."

We all do it...we walk into a room, bar, club, even speed dating event and we SCAN the room. Already we've decided if there is anyone there that we like.
So if we like them, does that mean we 'match' with them?

At the start of our speed dating events, out hosts make a point of telling participants to 'leave their likes and dislikes' at the door, and give everyone in the room a fair hearing during their 6 minute 'mini date'. Our reserach shows that those who were open to the whole process, and actually talked and listened to each person, regardless of whether they 'liked' them or not, ended up ticking them as someone they would like to see again.

So those who were open to meeting people from all walks of life and looks ended up 'matching' with someone, and those who were closed to the process and already made their mind up based on appearance and attraction, didn't match! - Hmmm food for thought?

McNeice contines....

"Matching with someone on a purely physical level is not enough to last, however it is an important factor. The first thing you may look at when you meet someone may be their eyes, smile, teeth, hair, handshake, kiss and physique etc. They are all physical attributes.

Then when you combine that with discussion, chat, talk, debate, jokes, laughter, shared expereinces, hobbies, activties etc. then something 'clicks' inside.... and suddenly we have the foundations for an emotional connection and possibly a match."

Agreed, and the reason those factors come together like they do is because of 'chemistry' and chemistry only takes a few minutes to kick in, We meet people in work, in sport, in social events, when buying something, - within a few minutes we have already built a perception about that person, one which is very rarely wrong in the long term. We've heard many motivational speakers in business say that you only have "5 minutes to sell youself" - the same applies in the dating world....that's why speed dating works as well as it does...

"5 minutes to see the phyisical, feel the emotional, and listen to the mind"

..so yes, a 'fast match' can be a good match!

McNeice sums up...

So in the end we meet someone. We like the look of them and they like the look of us, we laugh and chat together, we build an emotional link through conversation and knowledge and we are attracted to each other on multiple levels. We find we have a shared experience through our backgrounds and we share similar outlook on life and oh yes, we live in the same neighborhood. Match made in heaven? Possibly and possibly not. Love is not just about matching, it is about instant chemistry, something enigmatic and mysterious, not quantifiable. For all the right reasons we can fall in love in an instant with the wrong people and then again, we can simply not find it within us to love someone who appears so right.

...and for that, none of us have any answers!

Death of the Date

By Alexa Moses in the SMH

More than half of single Australian women haven't been on a first date in the last six months and a quarter are disillusioned with dating, according to a new survey.

The survey results, conducted by Newspoll for Diet Coke, include single women from 18-39 years of age and are backed up by the census which reported that more people are single or living alone in every state and territory.

Sydney psychologist Ms. Jackie Engel said that first dates can be a stressful experience for women.

"There is a lot of pressure to appear attractive which takes away from being authentic. It's that pressure that seems to be driving women away from dating," she said.

She said that some people swing the other way and instead of opting out of the dating game, take dating too seriously.

"They treat dating like a job interview, and they have a checklist. If the person doesn't fit that mould then they reject them," she said. She also said the results didn't necessarily mean that women were unhappy.

"It's about looking at what they value now. I don't think that everyone wants to find a partner anymore."

Engel recommended speed dating, where a group of singles meet in five minute rotations, as a possible solution to the pressure of first dates. "It takes less time, there's no awkward silences and people can leave if they need to," she said.

Camilla Telford, 31, a sales co-ordinator, took part in a speed dating event and said that she liked the format.

"You know you're going to get five minutes, which isn't quite long enough is you like the person, but which is quite long enough if you don't."

"I have been single for three years and I can't say I haven't had any attempts in that time, but they've never been the right person. I'd give speed dating a go again," she said.

Simon Cuthbertson, 27, a promotions co-ordinator, also took part in the speed dating event. He said that dating was just as tough for single men as women.

"It's just too scarring to be rejected when they're not very nice about it. If you approach women in a pub and say `hi' many of them straight away think you're a sleaze and you just want to have sex, which isn't true," he said.

He said speed dating was a good way to meet people, and that he would try the format again.

The Newspoll survey included a sample of 305 single Australian women, and was conducted via telephone last month.

Why traditional ways of dating are just not working any more

By Gil Avenaim Founder Fast Match Australia

Two out of every three people these days who are old enough to date.. are single. Why??.. because the rules have changed and most singles are all fed up with traditional ways of meeting people.

Let's have a look at this more closely.

Basically, the rules have changed!!

Gone are the days where a guy can confidently call a girl, court her, and ask her out. Girls have become much more independent. When they go out, it's usually with two or three of their girlfriends. They don't care if they meet any guys on their nite out. as long as they have a good time. They have been burnt previously by a past relationship, and are very distrusting of men generally. When a 'nice' guy comes along, most girls will shy away because 'nice' these days translates as boring, nerdy or unchallenging.

Sounds like I'm generalizing? ..maybe, but this is what we are hearing from men very week.

It appears that where years ago, it was the girls who used to complain that men don't want to commit, now the shoe seems on the other foot. Most men seem genuinely keen to meet someone. Most women have had enough of being used, and now want to party. End result?? .. Mexican Standoff!!!

Girls will go out with 2 or 3 of their girlfriends - men will 'hunt' on their own.
Girls will stay with their girlfriends all night and not 'work' the room - men will not approach a group of girls - it's just too daunting!
Girls will generally not hand over their phone number but will be happy to email - men will read this as being the start of a very long 'courting' process and could lose interest as a result.
People are so used to having short, interrupted conversations in noisy bars that when they do get a chance to chat at length, they have nothing to talk about, or don't know where to start.

Other traditional methods that aren't working..

Bars, Nightclubs, pubs

Too noisy, to smokey, too competitive.. how on earth can anyone meet anyone else in this environment??

Introductions and Dinner Parties hosted by married friends

None of my married friends know any singles, and that seems to be the norm.

As couples begin their new relationship, their social scene or network changes from wild singles nights out with the boys or girlfriends, to dinner parties and videos with other couples. Invariably, singles don't get invited to these dinner parties because they are the 'odd man out', and as time goes by, these couples meet fewer and fewer singles, preferring to entertain more couples, thereby lessening any chance that singles have of being 'matched up'.

On Line Dating

A good way to scan the scene and let many people know that you are interested very quickly... however, this method suffers from a few maladies.

People lying about who they are, what they do and how old they are
Photos that are either 10 years old, or 10 kilos lighter
Users who prefer to email all day long and never want to meet face to face
No visual or vocal contact At some point, people have to meet face to face to allow the chemistry to 'kick in', and online dating sadly doesn't allow for that spontaneity and excitement.

Singles events and dances etc

Sadly plagued by the stigma that the only people that go to these events are LOSERS and DESPERADOS!!!

Again, this is no different to a pub or club in as much as most people just stand around all night and don't make the effort to meet and chat. The only saving grace is that everyone in the room is single, but what's the use in that if no one wants to talk.

So what to do???

One of the trendiest things to do now is go 'speed dating' or 'fast dating'.

12 single guys, 12 single girls,
6 minutes to spend getting to know someone before moving along to the next person. ..
it's fast, fun, safe, very non threatening
and a great way to meet at least 10 energetic singles, face to face, in one night!!

For more information on speed dating events in your local area, visit our NEXT EVENTS page.